Update

I feel like half of the posts I write are just updates on my life. I know that at least one extended family member reads this, so I figure it's ok.

I closed Hairspray, and started rehearsals for Peter Pan. I feel like my whole life is stage managing right now. I need to graduate!

I'm having jaw surgery in one week. I'm nervous, but I'm so ready for this to happen. It's been canceled twice so I don't think I'll believe this is actually happening until they are pumping me full of the sweet, sweet sleepy drugs. I read this article about people who are awake during their surgeries, and they can't move because of the anesthetic, so all they can do is lay there and mentally scream until the drugs wear off. I know this won't happen to me...... And yet, there's the lovely irrational fear that won't go away. It doesn't help that, apparently, jaw surgery is one of the most painful kinds of surgery. Ye-a-ah.

A midterm tomorrow, two week's worth of homework that needs to be done on Monday, rehearsal on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, going to St George on Wednesday to get surgical hooks put in my mouth. I'm working triple-y (??) hard this week to cover everything so that I can take a week off to recover.

I have such a bad case of senioritis. I just want to graduate, move out of Utah, make more than 200 dollars every two weeks.

7 months.

Sometimes/Always

Sometimes, I really don't like stage managing. When a cast member tells me to "stop talking" is one of those times. When I say something really stupid to another cast member is another one.

The One In Which I Rant and Rave

Soooo, my ipod was stolen. The one I saved up for over a year to buy.

And then they threw away my leatherman at the airport.

Within a week two of the most expensive things I owned are gone.

And now my landlords are trying to kick me out of my apartment.

So. Much. Fun.

My boss at work asked me what was wrong the other day. I told him that I just had a lot going on, and he told me to put "my game face on".

I told my parents I was really upset about my leatherman and they told me that I shouldn't get upset over something that wasn't going to change.

I got on my knees and prayed and I felt a peace wash over me. Life is good. Bad stuff happens, but that's just a moment in your entire life. The key to this life is to learn from those moments. Experiencing trials is not the hard part of life. Coming out of those trials as a better person? That's the hard part.

I thank God that He's with me to help me with the challenge.

Sometimes

Sometimes, I wish there was a slow motion button on my life.

Let me explain.

I wish there was a slow motion button for one reason.

So I could put as many blankets and pillows on my bed as I could find,

climb a ladder to the top rung

push the button

and fall.......

For a really looooooong time.

Stage Managing

Everyone, it's time we had a talk about something.

I'm graduating soon. In approximately 9 months I will be the holder of a bachelor's degree of Theatre Arts.

After that, I will move away to work as a stage manager in the real world.

WHAT?! Where the heck did the time go?!

My Conscience

I have some wonderful people in my life. One of these people is someone whom I will refer to as My Conscience. This may seem like a strange name for someone, so I will give a bit of background info to explain:

One day, after starting training for a new job at my work my phone disappeared for several minutes. After looking for it everywhere I finally found it a few minutes later, right where I had left it. Hmmm, this seemed a bit strange considering it wasn't there before but I shook it off, chalked it up to office shenanigans, and went on my way.

A few hours later, the texts started. I believe the first text said something like "Have you said thank you today?" which wasn't all that strange until I noticed who it was from. The caller ID said it was from My Conscience. I remember looking at my phone in confusion. My Conscience? Who the heck was that? I quickly scanned through my contact list, looking for the culprit but no one seemed to be missing. I was perplexed for days, and as more and more texts came my confusion rose higher and higher.

Until one day, when a conversation between My Conscience and me took a turn, and suddenly a light turned on in my head. Suddenly, I know who it was!

Even as this knowledge was suddenly available to me, and the person was confronted, the texts continued and for that I was grateful. :) She's very good at keeping me on the straight and narrow.

So, that is the story of how I gained a texting conscience and how someone I worked with became one of my favorite people (she was great before don't get me wrong, but this pushed her right to the top :)

To My Conscience (you know who you are!):
Miss you. Come back soon! The office is boring without you. Blueberry and Leaf miss you too.

The words in my head seem to fall out of my ears.

While up and about I often times run into situations that I believe would make a good blog post. I then usually think to myself "Hey self! Remember to blog about this later!"..... This is normally followed by me forgetting that anything had ever happened, or that I wanted to blog about the thing I'd forgotten, and sometimes that I even have a blog. Consequently this has led to a decline in the amount of blog posts recently.

I would apologize, but as I average .45 comments a post I don't think I made too many people unhappy.

I have words in my head. They are there, I swear it! The problem is that whenever I try to get them out of my head, and onto anywhere else they don't seem good enough. I have a story that I've been trying to copy down for years now, but every time I start it I hit a roadblock and give up. Ugh, story of my life.

Recently a friend of mine asked me if I was lonely, and I believe I said something along the lines of "I don't really get lonely".

In thinking back on that later, I realized that must have sounded a bit strange. I mean, who doesn't get lonely? But truth be told, I don't. That doesn't mean I don't like hanging out with people (because I do), it just means that I am really perfectly content to be alone. I can entertain myself, I frequently go to movies alone, and honestly a lot of times I prefer to be by myself once I get home.

But there are times when what I wish for more than anything is Someone. For most people this is a spouse, for others this is a best friend, a mother, a sibling they're especially close to. Someone who you KNOW loves you unconditionally, and for no other reason than because you are you.

I don't mind being alone. But I wouldn't mind not being alone either.

Update

Life is moving along. Funny Girl is almost over, Tuesdays With Morrie is just really beginning. Peter Pan will be starting soon, and then I will be taking a vacation!

Boo-yah! I'm so totally ready for it. I'm going to New York, to stay and shop and finally see my first Broadway shows.

And Mandy, you are now on my blog. So, there you go.

I can, and I can't

I can't seem to fall asleep before 1am.

I usually can't remember my day to day schedule without help.

I can't remember people's names to save my life.

I can't cook.

I can't find the time to clean out my car, do all of my laundry, clean my bedroom, or even put my hair products back in my bathroom drawer.

I can't seem to stop drinking Dr Pepper.

BUT

I can operate on little/no sleep.

I can remember to update my planner, so (almost) nothing gets forgotten.

I'm really good with faces. I may not remember your name, but I will remember your face.

I can find time to do everything else in my life.


AND

If I make a mistake, I will admit it. If something is my fault, I will admit it.

I don't play games because I don't see the point.

I'm honest because honesty is extremely important to me.

I can take and learn from criticism because I believe it will make me a better person.

I am a great stage manager.


That is all.

Superheroes

Some people wish they had a superhero to save them. Me? I wish I WAS a superhero.

Also, Funny Girl is performing at the SCERA Shell on June 10th-21st! Come see it! It is hands down the biggest show I've ever done as a stage manager. And the thought of tech week is currently terrifying me, but I'm taking it one day at a time. Saying to myself "You can DO this!". And I think I'm actually starting to listen to the GOOD little voice in my head.

Letter To The Voice In My Head

Nagging.
Screaming.
Red hot in the back of my head and the pit of my stomach.
Second guessing,
second besting
you're actually making me worse!
I will shake you off
I will break you off
Until you are broken and bleeding,
whimpering so far back in my mind
that I will easily smother the spirit breaking words
that seem to be all you can utter.

Love,
Lindsi

Role Models

I realized something today.

I realized that I'm a very lucky person. Especially in one aspect of my life.

ROLE MODELS

Some people don't have anyone to look up to. Some people have the wrong kind of people to look up to. I, however, am blessed in that I have a lot of good people as mentors.

People who always have time to talk to me.
People who constantly give me advice, and make me feel loved.
People who give me hope that I can continue to do what I love without losing myself.

These people influence my life in ways that I don't think they realize. I hope they know that I will forever be grateful to them.

Life is good.

Tired

Today, I am tired.

I don't feel like a good person. I don't feel like a good stage manager. I don't feel like a good anything. I don't even feel healthy. (I have a cold that won't go away)

I hate days like these.

Days where doubts seem to have creeped in and won't go away.

Why can't I just keep my confidence?
Why can't I feel good about myself all the time?

Sometimes I forget that this life is about constant improvement. I can't just reach one level and think that since I am where I'm supposed to be I can stop working. That's the easiest way to fall back down.

Tomorrow will be a better day. One filled with love, happiness, and improvement.

And hopefully a resorted belief in my life and skills.

Summer!

I have a lot of things going on this summer. Let me list them for you in chronological order:

1. Funny Girl auditions/rehearsals start (auditions this week, rehearsals in two weeks)
2. Spring classes start (April 27th)
3. Tuesday's With Morrie rehearsals start (May 3rd)
4. My long awaited jaw surgery! (May 5th)
5. Recovery from my long awaited jaw surgery (Probably about 2 months to full recovery)
6. Finish my first sound design (June)
7. Tuesday's With Morrie tech and Education week run (August)
8. Fall semester starts (My last fall semester!)

Woo! Thinking about it makes me tired. It's going to be one of those periods when I have to take things one day at a time.

Speaking of tired, I realized something today. I went the whole day without feeling like I needed to drop into bed in the middle of it! I can't even remember the last time that happened. I hope this keeps up, I could definitely put the extra energy to good use.

So....

I have nothing really t0 talk about. As You Like It is over, and I'm starting two new shows. Tuesday's With Morrie (BYU), and Funny Girl (SCERA Theatre in Orem).

Despite (or maybe because of) the difficulties that I had on As You Like It I am so ready to move on and start something new!

It's kind of strange how I don't get bored of stage managing. Usually I get bored of everything, but I've been doing this for four years and I still feel great about it.

Also, this week has been awesome because I've been able to sleep a LOT. I finally feel as though I'm getting over this stupid mono that has been plaguing me for four months.

In short, all is well. And I'm really looking forward to spring!

A Lesson I Have Learned.

Here's the thing everyone (all three of you):

It doesn't matter what people think.

That does not mean that you should just give up and treat people however you want. Because of course you should always try to be the best person you can! Of course you should always try to lift others up, and be of service to everyone! And of course you should always, always, ALWAYS try to become better!

But here's the thing. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, not everyone is going to like you. That's a fact of life, unfortunately. Not everyone liked Jesus, and he was more perfect than anyone who's ever been on this Earth. And if Jesus can't win everyone over, what chance do I have?

I also realized that the one persons opinion that I should be worried about is the Lord's. If I'm on good terms with him, then I know that I will be fine.

I was so overwhelmed with the love that I felt from Him today as I realized this. He is with me always. He knows me. He loves me. And I am so blessed because of it.

All I can do is be the best person that I know how to be, and trust that everything else (with everyone else) will work out.

As You Like It

Performances for As You Like It start tonight! Check it out! Get tickets at byuarts.com!

Random

Sometimes I want to be the person in the movies that gets to stand on the edge of the cliff, throw their arms out, and just breath.

In, and out.

Maybe throw a handkerchief artistically into the wind.

That is all.

Busy, busy, busy

As You Like It (my current show) is moving forward. We move onstage this week (yay!) and we tech next week (also yay!) and then we open the week after that.

About a week after As You Like It closes, I start stage managing a show for the SCERA theatre in Provo. I'm excited for this show because 1. I like the director, and 2. They're PAYING me. I feel so legit right now.

Then, after that show closes, rehearsals for my next BYU show starts (Tuesdays with Morrie). Which I'm also excited about because 1. I like the director :), and 2. A good friend of mine is in the show, 3. It's going to be a smaller show, which will be a nice break after working 2 big shows in a row.

And finally, I'll finish off my college stage management career with stage managing the big deJong musical of the year for BYU (Peter Pan!! Yay!!).

After that, I graduate and wander off the beaten path into the unknown (how's that for being melodramatic! :).

I'll be honest, I'm both excited about this, and freaked out. On one hand, I'm ready to be out and away and on my own.

On the other hand, school is all I've known. I'm not sure I know how to be a real person.

Ahhh, change is hard!

Elder Steven E. Snow says that:
"Too often we are reluctant to enter the next stage, begin the next challenge. Maybe we are too comfortable, fearful, or lacking in faith. Grandmother’s lap is often more comfortable than the trials of kindergarten. Our parents’ basement, with unlimited video games, may be more appealing than college, marriage, or a career."

When I get comfortable, I don't like change.

But I do believe that it is a good thing.

I believe that if you keep the faith over the fear you will be blessed. D&C 61:36 states "Be of good cheer, little children; for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you".

Life is good, growing up is good, change is good. And God is with me.

What more could a girl ask for?

Hobbies

Somebody asked me the other day what my hobbies were, and I didn't have an answer for him. I honestly couldn't think of anything. I go to school, I work, and I stage manage. If I have time during the day, I read books.

I must have had hobbies at one point in time. I just can't remember what they were.

I recently had a great conversation with several people that I work with. My boss had to give a talk to the relief society of his ward about self esteem, and the point was raised that a lot of the time, girls lose themselves because they are so focused on other things.

And so, I wonder if college has caused me to lose myself. I got so busy I forgot that I needed something besides work in my life.

I don't feel lost, but then again I don't feel particularly found either.

My home teachers issued my room mate and I challenge this month, that we both follow our impulses in a certain area (of our choice) in our life. So, I'm going to find some hobbies......


Anyone have any idea where I can look?

Why I Do What I Do

So, whilst taking a break at our rehearsal a couple nights ago a cast member of mine asked me a very interesting question:

"Why do you stage manage?" He asked, "you get almost no recognition, you work more than everyone else, and while you're in school you don't even get paid for it."

And, instead of blowing it off like I normally do when someone asks me that question, I actually stopped and thought about it.

Why do I stage manage? It is a hard, and sometimes thankless job. It's like adding a second job that I don't get paid for onto my schedule. It's frustrating at times, exhausting at times, and it's genuinely hard to do. So why do I keep on doing it??

"Because" a tiny little voice said to me "because of those exact reasons!"

I stage manage because of the emotional connection that theater gives to people. I love being right in the center of that. I love knowing that I played a part in making people laugh, or cry, or understand a concept that they failed to realize before.

Yes, my job is hard, but since when is anything worth having easy? Why would I do anything that's easy? Easy doesn't get you anywhere. We weren't sent to this earth to take the easy road, that's not the point of our existence.

Stage managing doesn't come easy to me. I feel like I fail at is as often as I succeed. But I love doing what I do so much that I'm willing to keep pushing myself to be better.

So, I guess you could say that I stage manage because it's hard. And because easy is boring.

Office Supplies

I have a secret fettish for office supplies.

I don't know why, but post-it's are one of my favorite thing in the world. I got 15 packs of them for Christmas!

One of my good friends continually surprises me with little packs of office supplies, just because she knows I like them. She gave me 3 kinds of post-its for my birthday, and she gave me paper clips for Christmas. Every once in a while, I'll be walking in the building I work at on campus, and a random box of some random office supply will hit me in the head and I know it's because she wants to tell me she likes me. (she NEVER misses my head, this girl has better aim than a sniper. )

I also love sharpie markers. I have a whole bag of them in my stage manager's kit. Every time I see a pack in the store I have to restrain myself from buying the colors I don't have yet.

Also, pen shopping is my favorite thing about starting a new school year.

....... Is that weird??

I love Christmas, and am sad that it's over.
I am happy, however, that I get to spend another week in St George with my family.
I am also happy that I'm starting a new show (Shakespeare's As You Like It) up at BYU in about a week.
I'm happy to be starting a new semester (only 3 left before graduation!), and I'm happy about last semester, it was a good one.
I'm happy that I'm starting a new job this next semester (I get to work with a lot of cool people)
In short, I'm a pretty happy person right now.

Life is good. That is all (for now, more to come promise!).

I believe.......

in the healing power of a good action movie

that everyone deserves a Christmas

in the LDS church (perhaps this one should be first)

in never. ever. giving up.

that hard times and trials suck, but they do make us stronger.

that feeling beautiful can change your entire day.

that making others feel beautiful can change your whole life.

Not Me Tuesday.

So I've given up on the whole Monday thing, ok?

I definitely did not secretly lose my temper at someone today and have to leave the room before I screamed at that person.

I so totally did not, once again, sleep in rather than getting up when my alarm went off. I also didn't unplug my alarm clock because the sound it was making was annoying me.

I totally called my mom today while walking on campus instead of listening to my ipod. And, I didn't have a rationalization that involved me thinking that it took less energy to listen to music than talk to my family.

Happy Thanksgiving all! Enjoy the break!

Sleep

You know what I really like? Sleep. You know what I don't like? When I can't sleep. The latter happens far to often to suit me. Take tonight for instance, it isn't that I'm not tired. Because I am, I really really am. I just lay down to go to sleep, and nothing happens. When I talk about my insomnia to other people, the only way I can describe my inability to sleep is that when I lay down, my thoughts are too loud in my head. I can't lower the volume of what's going on in my own head enough to fall asleep.

Moral of this post..... It's 2am, I can't sleep, and I have to be to work at 8am. Awesome.

An Update

So...... It's been awhile, I know. It's only because I had about 50 billion things to do. But, now that I've got a few minutes, instead of catching up on homework like I should, I figured I'd give an update.

The first update is this: The Taffetas officially closed this week! It's a good thing and a bad thing. Good because I've got more free time, bad because I no longer get to hang out with some of the coolest people I know every night. This show was so wonderful, and I had such a great time. Cut open legs aside, this really was a very fun show to stage manage.

Second update: School started a couple weeks ago. I'm enjoying my classes so far, though the one at 8am is kind of killing me a little bit.

And now, some pictures!

This is Kerilyn (Kaye) and me, posing right before the show started.
These are my girls (I call them my girls even though they're all older than me) signing the pictures that they give out during the show. We usually gave out 4 each night, but at the last show we gave out about 40.And two members of our wonderful band! (Cori doesn't always look this grumpy, she just hated when I took pictures of her)
And this is me and my absolutely wonderful assistant stage manager:And finally, this is everyone! Our full cast and band, the director and me and my assistant.

TheTaffetas

So, I've got another show opening in about 2 1/2 weeks up at BYU, and you should all buy tickets and come see it.

Longer post later.

Mistakes

I think you should be proud of the mistakes you made, not because you made them, but because you recognize that they're mistakes and have therefore learned from them.

I remember.....

When I thought the sun was the size of a basketball, and was inside the earth.

When I thought a quarter was a lot of money.

When a can of soda was too much for me to drink.

When I thought "shut-up" was a really bad word.

When I thought I could catch a spark from a firework in my hand and wear it in my hair. (True story! I was a weird child....)

'Tis the season......

...... for marriages. I just had two of my friends get engaged.... within one week of each other. Two? You may be asking yourself.... But Lindsi! That isn't an unreasonable number, and the time period could surely be a fluke...... Until you factor in the other 4 previously engaged couples that I know who's weddings are taking place this month. You know what that means? It means I've got one wedding to attend every weekend this month. Is it any wonder I'm getting a little tired of pastel colored tulle and little tiny packets of rice?

Not Me Monday

I definitely didn't forget to turn up the volume on my alarm clock, which in turn definitely didn't make me wake up an hour and a half later than I was supposed to.

There's no way I would EVER consider taking some money out of my hard earned savings to go see Transformers 2. I'm totally aware that I would regret it later, after I was done rotting my brain with mind-numbing action awesomeness.

I definitely didn't stay up until 4am. I so totally went to bed at a decent hour last night, and it's amazing how awake and alert I feel right now. Not at all like I lack any and all strength.

Michael Jackson

I know a lot of people didn't like him. A lot of people thought he was creepy, and strange. On some level I agree with them. He certainly wasn't ordinary, in his life or with his music. Despite what you think about him, everyone must admit that his talent was extraordinary. He must have loved music, and he must have worked hard. I say this because no one, no matter how talented, can achieve anything unless they're willing to work for it.

People often underestimate the power of music. They forget the effect that it has on people. How a song with a good message can lift us up. How a powerful score can literally make a movie. The memories that go with a certain song are some of the most powerful I have.

I respected Michael Jackson because his music was so powerful. He could take one song and make it reach all people, no matter their age, race, or nationality. That is a talent that deserves respect, and no has ever been able to do it again.

And so we say good-bye to a man who truly deserved the title "King of Pop" because everyone must admit that no matter what allegations followed him, his music will live forever. Because that's just how good it is.

I Miss....

- My family

- Being around people that I don't have to hide from.

- Laurel Sandberg-Armstrong (and her husband Nathan)

- A fast internet connection

- New episodes of The Office, Supernatural, Scrubs, and Ugly Betty

- Being in school (though you'll never actually hear me saying that one out loud)

- My family

My Mom and Dad

(I'm a late for Mother's Day, and early for Father's Day.... Oh well)

I love my parents. They are the best example of the kind of person that I hope to be someday. My mother has more patience than anyone I've ever known, she's such a great listener and is always willing to listen to me as I rant about people over the phone. And my dad is so full of understanding and love, he can pick me up off the floor when I'm feeling discouraged and make me feel better about what I'm doing, and where I am in life.

They are the reason I go here:


And they're the reason I'm able to stay sane through all of this:


I want nothing more than to make them proud of me. That's part of the reason I went to college, and it's the main reason I work so hard while I'm here. I'm so glad that I never went through a teenage-angsty thing where I stopped listening to my parents. They gave me great advice all throughout my teenage years, and they continue to do so.

Thank you for teaching me correct principles, and then letting me explore and test them. I know it was hard to watch me make mistakes, but I'm a stronger person now because of it.

Thank you both for everything you've done. For every sacrifice (and there were a lot!) and for every midnight phone call, emergency fund deposits, and (most of all) for all of the prayers, and spiritual support.

I love you both more than I can say.

Never Neverland (Fly Away)

She'd tell me 'bout Captain Hook and all of his men
Who followed Peter with with a hook replaced as his hand
In those tales, bad guys never did win,
So the Captain was eaten and Wendy had twins
Well that was the story as I recall
But I may have made up the end
Don't remember much at three feet tall
Except for when I'd say,
"Mom, let me go to Never Neverland
Let me fly for one day
And throw that fairy dust in my hair
So I'll pretend I'm flying away"
I'm flying away
Well to my surprise, I grew up too fast,
And that easy life of Tinkerbell never did last
So I silently dream myself far, far away
That I would be immortalized like Peter one day
And that's my childhood as I recall
Though in some ways in some ways it never did end
And now I'm standing a little bit taller
Except for when I say,
"Mom, let me go to Never Neverland
Let me fly for one day
And throw that fairy dust in my hair
So I'll pretend I'm flying away"
I'm flying away
And though life is never easy as we as children read in the books
Where fairy dust could just fly you so far away
All I ask is that you leave me my imagination
So I can pretend I'm flying away
I'm flying away
And that is where I stay
Right there in Never Neverland
I'd be flying, I'd be dying
For love and appreciation
Where mermaids would sing
And fairies would ring
Right down there in Never Neverland
And it's second to the left and straight on 'til morning
Or was it second to the right and straight on 'til morning?
In Never Neverland
In my Never Neverland

I found this song while reading this blog. It reminds me of a time when there were less things to worry about, of a time when entertainment came in the form of tea parties and imaginary friends (mine, apparently, was a bear).

Childhood is the Never Neverland of our lives. While we're there we don't appreciate it, and once we leave we can't go back. And while growing up has it's own adventures, I think there's a part in all of us that wish we could remember how to get back to Never Neverland.

Who knew it could be so simple?!

Saw someone driving while eating cotton candy. I now believe that if more people do this, the general happiness of the population would increase so much, all war would end. That's right my friends, cotton candy could totally be the cause of world peace!

Dear Life

Dear Job-
I like you much better than I liked my other one. Getting experience in theater and getting apid for it is one of the best things ever.

Dear New Apartment-
I like that you're bigger, i like that I have my own bathroom. I don't like the slow internet connection or the fact that I have to walk up a lot of steep stairs to get to campus.

Dear New Boots-
You are wonderful, and also 50 percent off. What else do I need to say?

Dear Insomnia-
Go away. Now. I would like to sleep, because I've got to be up in a couple of short hours.

Dear Disneyland-
19 DAYS!!!!

And finally-

Dear Life-
I'm so supremely blessed. I've got a job when many people don't, a home when many people are sleeping in the streets, and a loving, kind, wonderful family when so many people are alone. Life, you've been good to me, and I'm grateful. I'm also blessed to have the knowledge that I'm a daughter of God, a fact that is sometimes the only good thing I have to hold onto. Thank you to everyone who is part of my life. I love and appreciate you all.

Top 10 Pet Peeves

1. People who try to sing in the car when they don't know the words. Especially in my car, for some reason.

2. People who touch me too much. Sounds weird, but I am not a touchy person.

3. Those little ceramic collectible kittens. It's their shifty eyes. It may also have something to do with Dolores Umbridge and the fifth Harry Potter book.

4. People who complain about Utah. Unless you've lived here your whole life, (and in more than just Provo) you haven't earned the right. Period.

5. Really bad mystery novels.

6. A slow internet connection.

7. Irresponsibility

8. Forgetfulness

9. People who talk on their cell phone while I'm trying to sleep.

10. People who call me, and then don't leave a message.

Music Review #2- Marie Digby

Marie Digby's album can be summed up in two words: High School. Talking about eating under the bleachers at lunch, and living with your boyfriend in the same CD creates a very disjointed album, with you getting very confused as to the demographic she's shooting for. Considering how she wrote or co-wrote 11 of the 12 songs, I think that the feel we get from her personality is that she's got a bit of growing up to do before she'll make an album that has more than a hint of originality.

That being said, her album isn't all bad. Her most commercial single (Say It Again) also serves as the best of the CD. Miss Invisible also shows some promise, only being ruined by the aforementioned high school references.

Those who like Mandy Moore will also probably like Marie Digby, their vocals are very similiar as are their song styles. They even look similar. All Marie really needs now is a starring part in a movie that will develope a cult following. Oh, she should probably sing the main songs on the soundtrack too, just for good measure.

Album Overview: All around, her mixed lyrics make for a disjointed album that hardly anyone would find likeable all the way through.

Download: Say It Again
Skip: Everything else

SUMMER!

School is over for the summer FINALLY! It was a relatively painless process, I have to admit, although my stress level shot through the roof. And finals week this year was the easiest I've ever had because I don't have any actual tests, just final projects. Also, I'm moving into a great new apartment with a wonderful person. I'm so excited to get into a newer, bigger place. It isn't that I don't like my roommates, I actually really do, but I just feel so crowded living with 5 other girls. My new apartment only has 4 girls (instead of 6), plus a washer and dryer in the apartment. I can't tell you how excited I am! Plus, my mom and dad are coming up to help me, which will be wonderful because I've been dying to see them.
Also, spring is finally taking a hold, and this weird weather seems to be stabilizing, giving us perfect weather. (How long it will stay this perfect temperature remains to be seen.) However, since I have a rare free day on Tuesday, I think I'll drive up the canyon and look at all of the new green-growy things.

Not Me Monday

Dang it, late again. Oh well.....

I definitely didn't forget to set my alarm last night, which definitely didn't leave me with only 10 minutes to get ready this morning.

I definitely didn't leave a big project that's due tomorrow until tonight. And I'm definitely not going to bed with it only half finished.

There's no way I haven't even started packing even though I'm moving in 2 weeks. And I've already found all the boxes I could ever need too.

And finally, I'm far too responsible to even consider just going to bed, and pulling the covers over my head until the end of finals week. Not me, I wouldn't do that.....

Forms Of The Truth

My mother was a high priestess,
set between the moon and the sun
She said who'll stand with me,
for all the sinners to see
an example of what can be done.

I said Mom I'm a sinner
and I'm proud of all the things that I've done.
Dip them all in chocolate and I've eaten them one by one,
and I weigh all of myself against you.

I don't know why I follow, cause I knew
that in the quietest moments
I could see right through
many elaborate forms of the truth

Oh dear high priestess
come down from moon and the sun
cause you are just a woman,
and I have grown into one
And I've weighed all of myself against you

I don't know why I followed cause I knew
that in the quietest moments
I could see right through
many elaborate forms of the truth

Music Review #1

I've been debating about whether or not to do this for awhile; actually the reason I haven't is because I have an innate fear of sounding too presumptuous. I certainly don't know everything about music, but I do know what I like, and what is good music versus what is popular. Plus, I'm always looking for good music, and I know there are some people out there who are also doing just that. So here it goes.... My first couple of CD reviews......


Lenka is one of my new favorite artists. Unlike most new artists, who think that their music must be dark to be meaningful Lenka breaks that mold by showing us the exact opposite. The Show was the first single released off of the CD, and while it isn't the best song of the CD (that title belongs to Bring Me Down, a surprisingly upbeat breakup song) it provides a great overview of what you're going to get by listening to this CD.
For a first album, this one is surprisingly polished, and while Lenka's vocals aren't exactly one of a kind (to someone who's never heard her before, you may mistake her for Regina Spektor) what her voice lacks she more than makes up for in song originality, especially in the folk-inspired Force of Nature, a tune that could have easily sounded far too overdone is instead refreshingly original.
A solid start to what is sure to be a great career, this album is a must for anyone who enjoys alternative pop.
Download: The Show, Bring Me Down, Live Like You're Dying, Force of Nature
Skip: Nothing. Every song on this album is worth a listen.


Erin McCarley (also a new face in the music scene), brings a lot to the table with her first album. While listening to it, one can imagine that her childhood was very sheltered and once reality set in, she recieved a couple of royal smack downs. With lyrics like ...O wise one, if you're such a someone, why do you give nothing to anyone? one has to wonder what kind of disfunctional relationship she was in that inspired such hate.
But don't judge a CD by it's lyrics, because while one might think that her lyrics might best go to a hard rock tune Erin McCarley manages to shake things up by keeping all of her tunes surprisingly light.
It's a good CD, and it provides a promising start to her career; but her songs tend to sort of blend together, and while her lyrics are memorable I had trouble remembering what lyrics belonged to which songs. Her melodies also tend to blend, which makes it hard to remember any songs in general, and the title track Love, Save The Empty is probably the best song/most memorable of the CD.
Her jazzy, breathy voice stands out because her CD doesn't sound engineered like so many pop singers do today (Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan anyone?), and I would love to go to her concert to see what she sounds like outside the studio.
Download: Love, Save The Empty; Blue Suitcase; Pony (It's OK); Hello/Goodbye; Pitter-Pat
Skip: Sticky-Sweet; Gotta Figure This Out

Dreams

Yesterday I had a dream that someone didn't think I was good enough to be a professional stage manager. I woke up literally in a cold sweat, because the thought of failing at what I've chosen as a profession terrifies me. And the truth is I don't know if I can do it. I certainly don't want to fail, but then, who does? Failure usually isn't expected, and I don't think it's ever welcome, and yet, it happens. And I'm so scared that it's going to happen to me.

Don't get me wrong, I want this. More than anything I want to be a college graduate; and I have worked too hard to just give up.

Giving up isn't an option; so why do I still have this little voice in my head telling me that everything will be better if I just run and hide?

I love spring. Especially up in Provo where it lasts longer than a week, unlike down in St. George. This is the time of year when you can walk to school while listening to your iPod, or drive up the canyon with a few friends just to enjoy the weather while blaring music. Don't get me wrong, Winter is nice for a few reasons, but Spring brings light and color back into a world that Winter turned gray.

Dear Life-

I recently discovered this blog a few weeks ago through a mutual friend of ours, and it blows my mind. This couple lost their daughter several months ago because she choked on a piece of apple, and this couple's strength in the face of such a huge trial amazes and sustains me. I've never read anything written by someone who is so much pain, and yet who refuses to give up their belief in the Church.
The pain that they are currently facing is palpable in every word posted, and they end practically every post with a picture of the daughter they lost. They cling to each other with the knowledge that they will see her again when they leave this mortal world, and that is what keeps them going.
I don't really know why I'm posting about this couple whom I hardly know, and who don't know me at all, except to spread the word about these amazing people who manage to function as normally as possible while trying to swim through an ocean of pain.
I've known about this couple for a few week's at most, but they have made me realize just how good I have it. So much could go wrong in my life that isn't. I'm supremely blessed, and I thank those two for helping me to realize it.
I wish I could give something to this couple to help them feel better, something tangible that I could hand over and they could physically hold onto. As it is, I'm praying for them as hard as I can.

I have discovered a new weakness for fudge shoppe caramel filled cookies...... Curse you Keebler!!!

I went out on a limb today, and it wasn't too bad....... huh.... Interesting.

iTunes

Is wonderful when all of your music is on it. However, when your computer crashes, and you can't get the files off of your hard drive because the broken computer somehow flew out of your hands into the nearest wall..... Anyway, long story short, I can't get my old files off of my old computer to put on my new computer. This means I'm missing over 1,000 songs from my library. Those who know me know how much I love my music, and should realize just how much this upsets me. I'm kicking myself for not backing up more of my music. Luckily it's all still on my iPod because I haven't synced my new computer with it yet. Anyone have an idea how to get music off my iPod to my computer?

Computer crashes

A computer crash is fun for the following reasons:

1. The pure excitement of losing 5 years worth of information in exactly 3 seconds.
2. The exhilaration of watching your iPod's battery life slowly drain over the course of a week.
3. The wonderful tingly feeling you get in your fingertips when you want to slam it against a wall.
4. The adrenaline rush you get when you actually do slam it against a wall.
5. Having to get up two hours earlier than usual to use a computer on campus.

I recommend you all try it as soon as possible so you can all feel the same immense frustration...... I mean therapeutic cleansing...... that I've experienced these past 2 weeks.

Also, my show opens in 2 days, and nervous doesn't even BEGIN to describe me.

Friday Night

Now, normally I refuse to admit to anyone that I do have a fondness for a certain teenage pop star's music, but in this case a line from one of her songs totally describes my life right now:
"It's Friday but there's nowhere to go"
Anyway.......

I'm bored. End of story.

Go, Dog. Go! and other things

I'm sitting here in rehearsal (which take place every Tuesday and Thursday from 9am-5pm) wondering if there's any chance of us ending early today so that I may go take a much-needed nap. I think I've gotten about 8 hours over the past few days. Though I'm not worried about me so much as I'm worried about my bed. I'm sure it lonely. It got used to seeing me a lot more over the Christmas break, and it's probably wondering if it's done something to offend me. Unfortunately for my bed, the only way it feels it can make up to me is by giving me a good night's sleep. And as we all know, if I'm not in my bed, it can't very well lull me into the sweet oblivion of bedtime. It's probably very sad. As am I, bed, as am I.

Also.......

The Longer Post I Promised

This post will be longer, but just to warn you, it probably won't be really interesting. I'm mainly blogging because I'm alone in my apartment (all of my room mates have left for home already) and the semester is over, so I have nothing to do. I mean really nothing. It feels so strange, no joke. It's funny how much time you have when you don't have to work, or go to class, or do homework. Like yesterday, I had the time to help a good friend move. He's an amazing person, and a wonderful artist. And without his paintings on the walls, his old apartment looked amazingly bare. I'm excited to see how his new apartment turns out.
I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping, which is fantastic. I'm especially excited to give my sister's their presents. And I think I will pop out to get a few stocking stuffer type things, just to help out my parents.


Also, I slept in until 1 pm today, just because I could!

*My friend has a blog that has some of his photography and stuff on it, it's amazing. Please check it out by clicking here

Longer post to come....

But for now, I thought I'd just share with you all a new and slightly disturbing love for A*Teens.

Click Here....... You know you want to.

Best Facebook Status Ever

"I claim one up on Edward Cullen because I'm not a fictional character."

Kudos to all the real men who live in an Edward-ified world.

Thanksgiving

This break came at the perfect time. I feel so relaxed and not sleepy. Being home is quite a change from Provo, and while I do miss all of my friends, it's really nice to spend time with my family. Also, CHRISTMAS!!!! I love it!

What's wrong with a new beginning?

What's wrong with a new beginning? It means an old one goes stale. But what if you really don't want to let go of the old one? Is it better to leave before it gets stale, so that it always stays fresh in your memory? Or will going leave me with nothing but an empty place in the pit of my stomach? One thing is clear, and that is if I do decide to let go if this, it will be for me, and because I think it is the right thing to do. These wonderful people deserve someone who has more time and energy than I do. Me stepping down early will merely give my wonderful, competent assistant the chance to become that person. Plus I'll have more time to sleep. Which I'm really looking forward to.

I get to go to the BYU football game!! With my whole family! YAY!

A Little Update

It's been awhile since I posted, and when I list everything that's been going on, I think you'll understand why. I started producers briefing meetings for the show I'm stage managing (Go, Dog. Go!) the first Divine Comedy of the year was last week, held auditions and callbacks for Go, Dog. Go! not to mention the 17 credits I'm taking, and the 20 hours a week I'm working at Albertsons. Crazy is definitely an adjective that describes my life at this moment. But those who know me know that when I'm not busy I get bored, so being busy is probably the best thing for me.
In other news, it seems like EVERYONE is getting engaged. In the past few months 4 people I know (all my age or YOUNGER) got engaged. It's not that I'm not happy for them all, it's just so mind blowing that people younger than me are taking such a huge step.

I'm a stage manager....

Really? Already?

New roommates

I love my new roommates, not only are they the sweetest people in the ENTIRE world, but they are also more than willing to clean, and they totally get mine and Melissa's crazy sense of humor. Plus, they put up with me, which in and of itself is impressive.
New roommates aren't the only new things in my life, since my last real post we've picked out 4 new cast members for Divine Comedy, and I've gotten my first real job as a stage manager! I'm going to be the Production Stage Manager for the Young Company Tour, which is the tour at BYU that goes around to elementary schools in the area and performs during the winter semester. It's really exciting, and really nerve-wracking at the same time. I just want to do a good job!
Life is very strange sometimes... And by life, I think I really mean me. I'm all for growing up, and getting out of college, graduating in two years, and moving on.... But a part of me just wants things to stay like this. I've found a sort of family with Divine Comedy, and the thought of leaving them at the end of the year, or even the end of the semester seriously hurts. I'm a huge believer in moving on, but I'm learning that believing in something and putting it into practicing are two very different things.

After one year of saving......

It's mine! All Mine!!!

So Funny!!!

Follow this link and you won't be disappointed..... Trust me.

Twilight movie trailer spoof

Start of a New Semester

We finished filming last week, a huge relief to me because it was taking up so much of my time I let everything else sort of slide. My to do list growing longer, not just because of the movie, but also because my junior year of college is starting! I'm both excited and nervous because this means that I get to finally start in on my major. I've been offered the chance to stage manage for the Young Company Tour, a group on campus that tours to different elementary schools during the winter semester. I'm also still working at Albertsons, and doing Divine Comedy, and taking 7 classes. If anything, it'll be an interesting semester.

Filming takes up all my time.....

I started filming the movie that I'm line producing last week. And I like it. It's a very refreshing change of pace from Albertsons, and I get to hang out with some really cool people all day long. The only real problem is that filming doesn't leave much time for me to do anything else. Take today for example; I was on set at 9am, and didn't get home until 8:30. Having a busy day isn't bad, but the laundry is piling up, and I've got people I need to see, and school to prepare for. It all balances out though, because while I am making money off this movie, it doesn't actually feel much like work. Which is exactly what I need right now.

All about me. In ABC form!

A- Attached or Single? Single, and happy about it to! :)
B- Best Friend? Melissa Carter
C- Cake or Pie? hmmm, depends. Cake on a birthday, pie for everyday
D- Day of choice? Any day I don't have to be somewhere. I like having time to myself
E- Essential item? Dr Pepper!
F- Favorite color? purple... Or blue... Or green...
G- Gummy bears or worms? Bears. No question.
H- Hometown? St. George, Utah
I- Favorite Indulgence? Going out to dinner
J- January or July? January
K- Kids? In the future
L- Life isn't complete without? Love, laughter, and lots of hugs
M- Marriage date? 2-5 years from now
N- Number of brothers and sisters? 3 brothers, 4 sisters
O- Oranges or Apples? Oranges
P- Phobia and fears? Spiders, I HATE spiders. I'm slightly OCD, everything needs to be in order
Q- Quote? "Remember, your body is your temple. It's also your dance hall and your bowling alley"
R- Reasons to smile? I firmly believe there is humor in everyday and every situation, you just need to find it.
S- Season of choice? Winter. I always complain about the cold, but there's nothing better than being out in a quiet snowstorm, watching the snow make everything clean again.
T- Tag 3 people: Whoever wants to!
U- Unknown fact about me: I have really bad balance because I had to relearn how to walk after my brain surgery.
V- Vegetable? Asparagus
W- Worst Habit? Speaking without thinking first.
X- Ray or Ultrasound? I'm good, thanks...
Y- Your favorite food? Anything chinese
Z- Zodiac sign? Sagittarius

Well, my options are clear, but the answer isn't....

Option #1- Go after promotion at work.
- Pros
- more money (lots more)
- Less stress because I'm making more money
- I'll be a better manager than the joker they already have
- Cons
- don't know if they can work around my schedule
- Not sure if I want the responsibility
- more stress
- Don't like my job now, don't know if I'll like being a manager

Option #2- Quit my job (kind of drastic, but those who know me know I can't stay there as a cashier anymore)
- Pros
- I'd get out of an environment I hate
- It would give me a chance to find a job I like
- I would probably be happier
- Cons
- Less money
- more stress because there's less money
- I may have to work more hours because of the less money

Any words of wisdom anyone?

Anger

I am so mad. I'm trying to be the bigger person, and let it go, but all I really want to do is yell and scream and bash heads together. But I won't. Because that's how much I care for them.

Drama

That word perfectly describes the way my life feels right now. Here's an update on what's been going on in my life right now.

- Decided I'm happy where I am, and am not moving into a new apartment at the end of the summer.

- Oh! I get to be line producer for a movie that's filming in Provo! (A line producer is basically a stage manager for a film.)

- Getting paid for being a line producer for a movie.

- Lost 2 good friends, and if they're reading this, despite what you 2 think, it wasn't completely my fault. And thanks for giving up so easily. (rant over people, don't worry)

- Got yelled at by customers 3 days in a row.

- Learned how to budget my money better (go me!)

- Decided I'm looking forward to a new school year.

..... and I think that's about it. To all the friends who have been there for me, and have sympathized with me, I appreciate it more than I'll ever be able to express. Thanks for being there, and for checking up on me. You all rock!

An Ode to Melissa

For those of you who don't know this, Melissa is my fabulous room mate. She's always there, always ready to talk, and never skimps on the sprinkles. Because of her, our apartment is filled with laughter, fun, and all ten seasons of Friends. Darling, I don't know what I would do without you in my life, and I'm honestly glad I don't have to find out for awhile. Thanks for being there for me, and thanks for loving me for who I am, and not hating me for all the stuff I have laying around, and for the tuna fish... And mushrooms..... And asparagus.... And octupus.... And spam.....

Sometimes I feel like nothing more than an afterthought. That sounds weird, but that's how I feel. I think it's because I'm a lot less outgoing than most people. I'm more content to sit and watch people talk, than actually be apart of the conversation. People who know me will tell you that I'm very outgoing, outspoken, and stubborn. But that's only with people I know. Which makes it very hard for me to get to know new people. And I think that some of my friends, because I'm so quiet sometimes, forget me. Or they'll make plans with our other friends and not invite me, they'll think it's ok to ignore me when I call, or text, even though I really need to talk, so I'm left with no one to talk to..... I'm not placing blame, but it hurts when stuff like that happens.

I've decided on a new name. I think it fits me more than the other one did, and it definitely describes me. I'm pretty happy with it. Any thoughts?

What's in a name?

Lately I've noticed how my blog's name doesn't really reflect my blog at all. Originally my the intent I had for my blog was that it was supposed to be full of soothing reminders that life really was full of warmth and happiness..... But it's turned into more of an online journal. Not a bad thing, I just think it warrants a new name. The only problem is that I have no idea what to call it. So, I'm up for suggestions people! Leave a comment, a suggestion, anything at all to help me out.

Some Small Things I Like That I'd Forgotten About

1. Warm towels from the dryer
2. A new book
3. A really cold, fountain Dr Pepper (with lots of ice)
4. MUSIC!
5. Chamomile tea
6. My electric blanket (yes, I know it's summer)
7. Roller Coasters
8. Lavender scented lotion
9. Laughing 'till I can't breathe
10. Haircuts

My Quilt!!

It's beautiful, isn't it? And it builds quite fast for the kind of quilt it is.



And here are some pictures of the souvenirs I got at Disney.....

My ultra cool Disney Villain mug-

And my sweet new Mickey Mouse bag-

Florida day 2

The 2nd day I was in Florida, I tubed down this really beautiful river with Brittany's family. Spiders and water moccasins aside, Florida really is very pretty. We spent about 2 hours just relaxing and tubing, and then afterwards we went to Dairy Queen and got ice cream.
Day 3 we went to Disney world again. We visited the only park we hadn't been to yet (animal kingdom) and rode Everest, Disney's newest roller coaster. The theme of the ride is that you're climbing everest, and you meet the Yeti. But the best part of the roller coaster is when you're going up this hill, and it looks like the track is broken, so you start going backwards. This is Brittany, Cat's niece Emma, and me in front of the tree of life.
After Everest it got hot enough that we decided to ride the only water ride in the park, Kali River Rapids. I didn't get very wet, which suited me just fine, but poor Cathrine got caught just right down a hill and got totally soaked from the shoulders up!! It made me laugh so hard! Her hair was plastered to her face.... Ah, good times....
After Kali River Rapids, we fastpassed Everest, and then rode the Dinosaur ride while we were waiting for our fastpass time to come. After our second Everest ride, we headed off to MGM.
At MGM we rode Tower of Terror twice, and rockin roller coaster once. We rode star tours, and met a bunch of Star Wars characters, and saw this really cute show that involved a bunch of cute little kids fighting Darth Vader and Darth Maul. That was when we realized we couldn't find Emma, and had to spend the next half hour looking for her. After we found her, we went to Downtown Disney and spent the next few hours shopping in the biggest Disney store I've ever seen! We then realized that all of us were so exhausted we could hardly move, and headed home.

I may be the devil, but at least I can fly to hell for free

My Florida vacation was SO much fun, everyone. The highlight of the trip definitely being able to see my friend Cat. But meeting my Cat's and Brittany's families were definitely up there too. With Disneyworld coming in a very close 3rd.
I got to Florida on Wednesday, around 5. Brittany and Cat picked me up and we went to Cat's house for a delicious dinner made by Cat's mom. After that we went to Brittany's and watched Cloverfield (that movie has no ending by the way....). We went to bed right after that, and agreed to meet up to go to Disney at 8:30.
The next day we decided to start off at EPCOT.... And took pictures in front of the big golf ball thing.


We then headed off and rode some rides.... I don't remember exactly which ones we rode, but it was fun. Then we went into the Coke store and tried sodas from different countries. Brittany and Cat were both really talking up the soda from Italy, and me being the kind person that I am, I totally trusted them..... BIG MISTAKE. The soda from Italy was a palette cleanser, and tasted disgusting! I won't forget that you guys..... I have a long memory....

After the Coke store, we went to Magic Kingdom and rode Space Mountain twice in ten minutes, because a worker came up to us and asked us if he put us to the front of the line if we'd like to see how the ride worked. We agreed and after a 10 minute backstage tour, we jumped to the front of the line and rode it..... And then did it again! After we were finished with Space Mountain we fastpassed Splash Mountain and got on that ride with only a 10 minute wait. We then ran over to Thunder Mountain, and had a long wait there because it started to rain and they shut the ride down. Once we were done with that we ran to Pirates of the Carribean, which was shut down (a big disappointement, I've never been on it) and then decided to just go straight to MGM studios.

So, we hopped on a bus, and rode over to MGM fairly quickly. The first thing we did when we got there was ride Tower of Terror. That is my absolute favorite ride. It gives me an adrenaline rush everytime I get on it. Cat decided to skip this one, so Brittany and I rode it alone. We then went to the mini broadway production of Beauty and the Beast, which was pretty good, except for this very distracting costume this one guy was wearing...... Holy bare chest Batman! And he had a stupid hat too..... The Prince (who's name is actually Adam, by the way.... No joke.) was HOT! After the Beauty and the Beast show, we rode Rockin Roller Coaster, a fantastic roller coaster that take you upside down 3 times, all while having you rock out to Aerosmith. We then went and did a little bit of shopping, because I spotted a Disney villan store. Got a really cool mug from that shop too. Then we went to the little mermaid show, and on rockin roller coaster again. Then we caught the Fantasmic show, which is my favorite show at Disneyworld. A battle between all of the Disney villans and Mickey Mouse in dream land makes for some very cool visual effects.

By the time the Fantasmic show ended, the park was closed, and we were so tired we could hardly move. So, we went home then and practically fell into bed.


This is already a horrendously long post, so I'll do more tomorrow......

Goin' on a trip...

Alright, I'm going to be out of town for about a week, and just wanted to make sure everyone knows. I probably won't be answering emails, so call or text me if you need to talk to me. Cheers everyone!

Post Secret

For those of you who don't know, Post Secret is a blog that people send their secrets to anonymously. New ones get put up every Sunday, and they are very enlightening to me.

Some are funny...
Some are sad.....

and some are just...... Scary

I keep read them every Sunday because once in awhile, I find one that could have been written by me; and that gives me proof that no matter how alone I feel, there is someone out there who understands.

Everyone wants to feel that kind of closeness with another person, I think that's why we're so fascinated with the thought of soul mates. To have one person that belongs to you, and understands and accepts you so perfectly is something that I bet everyone on the planet would pay anything to get. I don't really believe in soul mates, to tell you the truth. But I hope that everyone out there has a chance to be loved by someone they'll be able to spend eternity with. And who knows? Maybe being able to love someone, and be loved by someone, who knows all of your secrets is what soul mates are. Soul mates are developed over the years you're with them, not just stumbled on.

Summer is BORING

People who are near me during the school year will often hear me complain about how busy I am. I'm always wishing for summer, but then when it actually comes I'm bored out of my mind! No school or Divine Comedy really frees up my schedule in both good and bad ways. Good because I can now take some time to breathe, eat, and just goof off. Bad because my insomnia kicks into high gear because I don't have to be up early. Bad because when I'm bored I want to shop, and often times forget that summer is when I try to save money for school.
I am very grateful that I've got friends who are actually staying in Provo this summer though, last summer was awful because everybody I knew lived in different states.
Oh, and as a side note, I'm making a quilt. I'm also 4 hours away from my mom, who is the quilting queen (no joke people! You should see the latest thing she's pieced together!). Which worries me because she's not hear to fix my mistakes.... Or to tell me why one of my pieces ended up a good 2 inches longer than the other ones even though I sewed in in exactly the same way!
I also made a surprise trip home to visit my family the other week which was very relaxing and therapeutic for me. I get so caught up it my life up here, that I sometimes forget I have a life down in St George too. I also love going down there because I usually end up getting free stuff. (I know it's shallow of me.... But this time I got a sewing machine, and a Costco card. Come on people, I can now buy ketchup bottles the size of my head!)
A friend of mine asked me to help him make a quilt. Should be fun and interesting trying to figure out how to piece it together. I keep imagining trying to teach him to sew, and having to run him to the emergency room after he sewed his fingers to the fabric..... If you're reading this, my friend, I'm sorry, and I'm sure it's not going to happen... But sometimes I can't help where my thoughts wander to. I'll post pictures of what I've got done so far on my quilt shortly, after I find a digital camera I can borrow.

We've all come so far, we've all got so far to go....

The end of the school year is probably the worst time for me. The relief I feel at having finals over is overshadowed by all of the people who leave. Most will come back when school starts again, but there are those few who are moving on to bigger and better things, meaning that I probably won't see them again.
So, to all those friends and loved ones that are leaving this Happy Valley in pursuit of something better, I say Good-Bye! I hope your lives are filled with wealth, love, and happiness.

Lindsi

Once again, stress has claimed what is most precious to me.... Sleep. Never mind the fact that I have to be up in 4 hours, or that I only slept a minimal amount the night before. So, after an hour of tossing and turning, I find myself blogging. Explain that logic to me, please.
Not sleeping aside, I've had what one would call a most enjoyable week. The end of the semester always gives me a feeling of relief (until the crushing weight of finals sneaks up on me, that is). I've had some free time, which is something that was becoming completely unknown to me. It's like I no longer know what to do with myself when I have free time. I got off work early the other night, came home expecting to just lay around for a few hours before I hauled off to bed, but I found myself unable to sit still. So, 3 loads of laundry and an interesting phone conversation later, I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2am. I was amazed at how fast my free time had passed! One moment it was stretched out before me, and the next I was scrambling to get into my pj's so that I'd be able to wake up the next morning.
I feel as though in this day and age we often forget to savor the free time we have. We've come to the conclusion that we must always be doing something in order to be productive. When, in actuality, taking a break now and then can actually be a stimulus. So, my challenge to all those who read my blog is to take a second and stop doing things. Lay out on the grass for 20 minutes with someone you love, lay on your bed and read a book for a half an hour. Take a study break and go out for ice cream with your room mates. I don't care how you do it, just do! A half hour won't kill you or anyone else, and it may even help you think of a solution for some of the problems you have going on right now.

more pictures....

Las Vegas

I had the wonderful opportunity to spend a week in Las Vegas. Divine Comedy went there to perform, and it was a ton of fun. Some highlight include:
1. Blue Man Group
2. Spamalot
3. Having Blue Man Group welcome us on their scrolling Marquee
4. Having a great Second City show
5. Having a great talk with someone who is very special, and feeling a little better about myself and the situation I'm in right now.
6.Spending several hours on the strip with great friends
7. Riding one of the most intense rollercoasters I've ever ridden
8. Eating great food
9. Spending lots of time with people I really enjoy
10. Tired Kabe (my favorite kind of Kabe!)
11. Getting to know one of our advisers a little better. It's wonderful to know I've got someone on my side George.

And now.... Some pictures!

It seems that no matter how hard I try, I can't get the little voice of doubt out of my head. You know the one. It's always whispering about how no one likes you, your friends are talking about you behind your back, that you look ugly in that shirt, you put on too much makeup, you didn't put on enough makeup, your hair looks horrible, and what in the world made you think you could keep up with everything you have going on in your life right now?
Does everyone have a voice like that? Or, more specifically, does everyone have as a hard a time as I do telling it to shut up? Human beings as a whole have a hard time accepting themselves for who they are, I know that, but I wonder why? Why is that? Why are people so set on believing the worst about themselves? We're children of a God so powerful he knows everything and can do anything! We should be reaching our full capacity as sons and daughters of a God, and amazing ourselves as we realize our limitless potential. Instead, we clip our own wings and spend most of our time convincing ourselves of what we can't do.
And still, even as I write this, even though I'm convinced that what I wrote is true; that voice is still whispering away in the back of my head, trying to convince me that I am nothing more than completely ordinary........

You can honk all you want, I'm still not going to go any faster.

The lastest ailment my car is suffering from: burned-out clutch. At least, that's what we think it is. I shouldn't really be surprised, I guess, because my car is 15 years old. It's just annoying because I can't go any faster than 20 miles an hour. And hills? My car sits at the bottom and laughs at me. That means I'm stuck in my apartment until further notice. Great. This is fun.

The Pursuit of IT

As a cashier, I've seen many sorts of people walk through my line.
There are the newlyweds, who are obviously buying groceries together for the first time, as they are extremely sentimental about which groceries they buy, and usually have large orders.
The food stamp people, who anger me sometimes when they come in and all they buy is soda and candy.
The older ladies, who are so shaky we sometimes have to fill out their checks for them, and who almost always pay in pennies. ( I don't really mind though because they are sweet, and nice.)
Then are the old couples who come in holding hands, as if to shout to the whole world "WE MADE IT! 50% divorce rate and 50 years of blood, sweat, and tears later WE STILL HAVE IT!" They are the couples who have seen hard times, lived through death, sweat, and tears, and still have IT. That one thing that separates the happy from the miserable. The hope that if life isn't good now, it will be soon. If we've had a bad day, tomorrow is a new one. IT is something that everyone can have, but I've discovered not very many people do. My new goal: to achieve IT.
So, if I sometimes don't have as much money as I wish, it's okay. I've got enough to live. I sometimes spend so much of my time worrying about the stuff I don't have, I forget what I do. I've got friends who will stay up until 2-3 am helping me study for tests. I've got room mates that make me laugh so hard, I can't breathe. I've got a family that I miss, and that misses me too. I've got a job. I've gotten a wonderful opportunity to develop new skills, and work with some of the most amazing, wonderful, funny people I've EVER met. IT doesn't hide from me, or anyone, IT is just waiting to be recognized.